Intensity

I haven't been writing a lot and I miss it. I just seem to be in an intense emotional time as I seek the Lord through a lot of things in my past (this time last year), and petition Him for my future, that I would Believe in His Promise and not be afraid. Please pray for me, I have been feeling very sad and sometimes angry because I miss Elora and my heart hurts for the war-ish battle in my heart that goes on everyday leaving me feeling completely exhausted although I slept most of the day. I need God's Joy, Wisdom, and Love to be in me and not lies from the enemy. I think when we are so close to really choosing something that states faith in God, that situation gets attacked. I don't like talking about this, I am sure no one does. I'd rather go on and pretend that things are great, but I know I need prayers as the Holiday's come around. I find myself having a bad attitude stemmed from sadness and the trauma of what happened. I must remind myself the true meaning of Christmas, and that there are thousands of people hurting worse than I am. When I ask myself what I truly believe about God, it always comes back to Loving Him. I just let myself and my desires get in the way sometimes and that is when I begin feeling sorry for myself. I want to write and speak as though I completely know the Lord is working amazing things as in regards to Bryan and I having a family. I just weary on how long I hold on to Faith and Hope and then get my heart broken and then keep going. He just wont let go of me, and I cannot of Him. I want to look back after we see God's miracle and know I fought hard to keep believing in His Promise however that may happen.

So I haven't been able to formulate a blog and even at this entry I am hesitant to post it because I just don't feel like I am accurately expressing my heart. I am not hopeless, but tired. And because of last year, I feel like all the terrible things that have happened to me are being played back in my head. I must fight back with scripture and prayers!

On another note, and "I Needa Laugh" note...Bryan bought me beautiful pink cowgirl boots for our anniversary! I love them so much and wear them whenever I get the chance! Did I mention I love them? He found a comic to show how I feel...

Punctured "I'm Alive!"

Have you seen Animal Planet's new show "I'm Alive?" Just yesterday I watched an unbelievable survival story from a husband and wife who got swarmed by africanized killer bees (Episode 6, "Out of the Blue"). It was completely horrendous to watch what happened and a relief to know they actually did survive! So needless to say the show had been on my mind ever since then and I've been extra cautious and jumpy. It sets up the scenario in the show with mostly always an unsuspecting victim saying it was "a day like any other," or "nothing seemed like it would go wrong that day." An obvious foreshadowing of things to come.

I decided I would go ahead and cut down our massive intertwining hedge of morning glories as it is getting colder and they are dying until next spring. I went to go get our wheelbarrow to put the cuttings into and transport to the trash in the alley. I thought of the show as I picked up the wheelbarrow and scared myself a little thinking there could have been a snake under there (Half way Katie's fault to for posting about the snake encounter in our city!!!!). So quickly I jerked the wheelbarrow towards me in the corner of the yard and felt a HUGE dagger-like stab in my head. Instantly I knew I had been struck by something very pointy! It was our MASSIVE Yucca Plant. This is no ordinary plant, and even in the realm of Yucca's I think this one surpasses them all. This Yucca stands proudly at the same height as me with spines as long as my arms. The top of the spine is NEEDLE sharp and when it stings its victim a toxic venom is excreted. I had to actually remove my head from the stinger....yes! Oh yes....I'm telling you this was very painful. I got the wheelbarrow to the other side of the yard and I was going to check out my head after I took my gardening gloves off. At that point I felt coolness all along the side of my head. I touched my head and there was blood all over. My hair was wet from it and I felt the bump and it was HUGE. It felt like a grape was under my scalp. I went inside and put a paper towel on it and called Bryan at work. I was kind of scared because the pain was all down my right side and my eyes and ears were hurting. I pressed on the bumped and it seemed to be going down in size.

I spoke with Bryan and was so annoyed that I hurt myself! It hurt SUPER badly. I took some Benadryl in case I was allergic. I write this whole blog really because of Bryan's response to me on the phone when I told him what happened. He of course was worried and felt bad. I was telling him where it was and that I had blood all in my hair and fingers and nails, and his response after I told him I was going to take a shower to get it off was "Oh....but before you do that could you take a picture of it for me?" He wanted to see it so badly. It was hilarious and made me laugh!

I seem to be doing ok now. It hurts really bad and I cannot even lay my head down on that side on my pillow. A shooting type of pain goes around that side of my head, neck, and face. Hopefully tomorrow it will be better. I am glad I did not see any scary snakes! But WOW, I didn't see that injury coming! Maybe I should be on the next show?

I tried to love that Yucca plant! He was a gift to us, but I am not so sure he will be living with us after this episode. I know it is not his fault since he was born that way.

What do you think....

My B-day/Thanksgiving

It has been a very enjoyable Thanksgiving and weekend. Thanksgiving was actually my birthday! It is amazing how many people celebrated my birthday with parades in New York, and families gathering around tables full of food! I felt quite honored! (LOL!) Gracey and I did our annual trip to the Meek Children's Hospital and visited some of the sick children, did tricks, and gave and received a lot of joy.

Bryan's Dad came and spent the evening with us as well as Jenn and her precious daughter's, MaeLeigh, and Audriana Rose. We missed Adrian (Jenn's hubby is deployed overseas from October until February). We had a blast cooking, eating, and playing the Wii and our favorite board game as we introduced Bryan's Dad to our beloved "The Settlers of Catan." I knew he was going to love it and win, and sure enough he really was good at it.

I opened some really neat gifts. Bryan wrote me an amazing blessing and had it custom framed. Reading through his words just blew me away with desire to keep going and discover how Amazing the Lord was in my life and how He is working in my present time and for the future. Richard and Diana both spoiled me! Casja sent me the most adorable butterfly serving set and napkin holder. I LOVE them so much. Jenn actually took me out to lunch and a movie today (see my birthday just keeps going and going and going!!!). Tighe sent me a meal, dessert, and get this...my first BLING item for my car! A steering wheel cover with guess what on it....BUTTERFLIES! Seriously I was so blessed by all my cards, texts, e-mails, phone calls, and presents! What a way to spend my last birthday before I am officially old and 30 next year (please for the sake of your health and my emotions do no mention that it will only be a year until I turn this age...you will regret it!)! I Praise God that I am alive and blessed!

Bryan and I are praying a lot for our future as we ask the Lord to provide us with our family. I can't believe a year ago we were rejoicing and expecting, and now things still seem unknown. We have hope and expectation for God to keep working in our lives in this area. I am not sure exactly how this will happen. We are still able to foster-to-adopt, but have not received any calls in a while. It has been good for us to heal and seek the Lord during this quiet time in between placements, but we also long for our family and our hearts grow weary with sadness. Please pray with us? Pray that this Christmas season the Lord would surround us with Hope, and that even when we feel sad as we remember Elora, we will chose to believe and hope for our children in the future.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving from our little Turkey!*

*No Chawennie's were harmed in the making of this photo or meal.

The Maker's Diet

Years ago a popular book took stands and sold in outrageous numbers. I had no clue the book actually sought to honor God with its claim of healthy living and eating. I get very leery of self-help books and find skepticism in my heart with a lot of Christian fix-it readings. I don't like following the crowd as hit items ebb and flow promising this and that when God's Word should be our ultimate assurance.

As a person with an auto-immune disorder that nearly died, I relate a lot to the author Jordan Rubin in his book "The Maker's Diet." Jordan gives his testimony during the first half of the book, backs up his progress towards God's healing with scripture, and explains information that really proves relevant to our bodies. Time after time I caught myself in agreement with his knowledge about symptoms, causes, and solutions. God had been preparing me to read this book for weeks now. I felt called to explore what my body needs to be nurtured and spoke with a friend about it and she recommended the book. I went to the library the next day and checked it out. I had no clue long ago the book was about giving God credit and glory for giving us what we need to be healthy and explained and taught how to do it.

The flip side of knowing this information is that I get very frustrated and discouraged by our worlds influence and provocation to eat unhealthy. I used to joke around that eating healthy is a luxury most cannot afford. But in a way, I feel this is still true. Most of what we are exposed to, what is cheap, and what is yummy to the taste for us is full of nothing but ingredients our bodies are not able to process and draw nutrients from. You begin to wonder how our government can allow it! But our craving for fast solutions (not just in this area of life but in all) in the long run exposes flaws that really inhibit us rather than strengthen. Maybe what's inconvenient and worth working for could help us be healthy, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Because of money and time, we are not always able to eat perfectly. It didn't start with our generation. It began a while back, so in a way our bodies have already been deprived. But we can implement choices that will help us and our families. We don't just honor God in our hearts, but also in our minds, our choices, bodies, and health.

I don't know if this diet could heal me the way it did Jordan. But I know I am craving to eat healthier and give my body what it needs to heal and I believe that honors the Lord. I have been the person who has begged the Lord for healing, whose had wonderful faithful people surround me and pray for healing as well, and who struggles with the days I feel healed, and the days where I feel afraid because my pain is excruciating. But this book is not about following a person or a diet, it is about obtaining information and wisdom that can help. Our world is so broken. In so many ways we are not "feeding" ourselves what we need.

One particularly interesting thing I read about was the use of Biblical spices. In Jerusalem the Old City was truly amazing! I will never forget walking through the maze of stands and stores. One store I remember was full of spices! Not like our American spices in little plastic bottles, but where you could go over to bins and scoop out your own! And there were piles after pile of fragrant smells. I wish I could transport you there to see it. (I am including a photo of the store here!). We bought packages of Hyssop before we came home and use it on bread and pizza (Thanks Melissa for introducing us to this yummy herb!). Jordan speaks about Biblical herbs and spices we can use to not only flavor foods, he explains how they aid the body. During Jesus' time these seasonings helped their bodies fight illness, repaired damaged nerves, and aided with emotional well-being. It is SO interesting and exciting to incorporate into our lives. I just think about that spice shop and wish I had another opportunity to be there! Maybe someday again soon!

You will have to read the book to get a comprehensive list of the herbs/spices and their affects on the body, but for now I will list the top 21 he talks about so you can begin to use them!

Aloe

Black Cumin

Black Mustard

Cinnamon

Coriander

Cumin

Dandelion

Dill

Henna

Fenugreek

Frankincense

Garlic

Hyssop

Juniper

Milk Thistle

Mint or horsemint

Myrrh

Nettle

Saffron

Spikenard

Turmeric

Be sure to read up on the herb/spice you may not know about before you use it. (Click on any names above and it will lead you to a link about it). But the best way to learn about it in the context is to read his book. It is just too long to type for me!

Praying for Rain

God has been helping me remember acts of faith I observed from my past. One specific time was while I was in college. There was a student who read God's Word and decided he would look like a fool to obey God and cry out to Him for rain. We were in a massive drought. I never knew dryness existed like this! It was so bad that the ground was actually breaking like the cracks you see in desert photos...they rippled and scaled. This one fellow classmate petitioned the Lord, fasted, and prayed for rain at the amphitheater. In fact (if I am correctly remembering) he stayed out there for days and nights on the steps barefoot and prayed for God to open up the sky and bless us. He cried out, begged, bowed, pleaded, and praised God to have mercy on our land. I think there were even flyer's about the prayer intercession asking people to join. I thought it strange at the time, but the intrigue I felt by the godly example this man was taking in leadership was teaching me and challenging me even years after it took place. I knew not everyone understood, but his obedience stayed firm, his expected embarrassment never came. I was so honored to see someone living in faith around me. That is what I've wanted. I wish I drank more and looked for more Wisdom at that time, but God knew the timing where He would reveal things to me in the seaons and ways I would be able to receive them and truly grow and follow.

I think after about a week of this, I am sure he was weary and doubted. I'm sure evil tried to weaken him and embarrass him, the struggle was obvious to others and they made it known, "God is not interested, give up." What a lie! God says to ask and keep asking, He wants to know how badly we want Him. The trial wasn't necessarily about rain, but about what God was doing in the hearts of those who chose not to give up. It really is this way, it's really about trials preparing us to handle such great powerful Wisdom and Understanding that could not take place without our hearts being tested, examined and in the right place.

About another week or so went by and one day before dark, sure enough the skies rained down water. I saw the prayer warriors dancing, literally jumping, smiling, and rejoicing in the Lord on those steps. They didn't have their shoes on, their clothes were soaked, eyes were sunken in from sleep deprivation and fasting. The seeker looked frail and weak, but suddenly energy came back to him and he was alive with thankfulness. I don't remember a lot of things but I can close my eyes and see their faces running around and splashing for joy in puddles forming around us. I don't think he was a prophet, but I do feel like he desired the Lord and sought Him to provide. I'm honored to again have witnessed him portray God's Word as livable and real. I pray he even now allows the Lord to show him "great and unsearchable things." (Jeremiah 33:3)

Our obedience and "foolishness" sets our hearts to seek God and we will never know what our following will change.